Honey Island Swamp Monster
Deep in the boggy bayou
of the Honey Island Swamp,
a Louisiana booger bigger
than a Bigfoot tromps through
the fetid fen. Water moccasins
and gators don’t give him any
He’d as soon eat as greet ‘em,
and there ain’t no fruit or root
beyond his opposing thumb and
He don’t mess with tools or
and he ain’t particular about what
fish or fowl, roots or berries,
even ill-informed, intrepid humans—
anything raw and ready—or stupid
to cross his path, will end up in
Still, he’s shy and retirin’; don’t
no truck with us, let alone a cameo
or featured spot on yer flat screen
He’s mostly known by his three-toed
footprints and his horrid shriek.
Get closer, though, and you’ll know
soon enough by his awful reek.
It’ll curl yer toes, clear yer
make yer eyes water for a week.
Ain’t no one caught a specimen yet,
let alone filled his arse with
He’s too clever, his sense of smell
So if yer expectin’ a photo op,
want him to pose for y’all
gnawin’ on a ham hock or stuffin’
his gullet with some nuts or
forget it. You’ll be lucky to
his hairy butt bookin’ it through
the trees. Ain’t about to bow or
let alone mug with his arm around
some ingrate tourist on a toot.
Leave him alone; he’ll leave you
Follow him? …You’ll end up staying
for dinner—as the steak tartar.
The guy who took all the plaster
and got hair samples from the trees
tracked him deeper into the swamp
than most folks have ever been.
We ain’t seen hide nor hair of him,
never mind his boat or clothes.
The booger musta torn him to
and used the wood to floss his
Didn’t so much as find a handful
of booger scat; don’t expect we
That’s the long and short of it,
we do have some skunk funk
hair samples, books, and photos for sale…
email@example.com, wrote BP #76’s poems, “Honey Island
Swamp Monster,” “Skin Walker,” and “Ucu.” From a series called Cryptid Shindig, the poems from this
collection concern cryptid encounters, ET lore, or unexplained phenomena;
others have appeared in three published volumes in the series: Why Were All the
Werewolves Men? (Thistledown
Press, 1994), Nothing Definite Yeti (Ekstasis
Editions, 1999), Take Me to Your Leader!
(Bayeux Arts Inc., 2003), and in a New & Selected volume called Bigfoot Boogie.
Just retired from a
thirty-year gig teaching English and Creative Writing at Lethbridge College, the
published thirty books in that time, counting a forthcoming volume. His
most-recently published books are haikai poetry collections: Fruit Wedge
Moon (Hidden Brook Press, 2015) and The
Heiligen Effect (Ekstasis Editions, 2015).