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Darker Than Dark-Fiction by Mark Joseph Kevlock
What a Mess-Fiction by Miles Ryan Fisher
Flippimg the Frozen Finger Farewell-Fiction by Michael D. Davis
A Gift of Death-Fiction by Kenneth James Crist
Maggot-Fiction by Max Watt
Redemption for a Lowlife-Fiction by Angelo Gentile
A Night Out at Wrath's-Fiction by Jason Butkowski
The Pact-Fiction by Edward Francisco
Joey Brick-Fiction by Henry Simpson
Violators-Fiction by Doug Hawley
Trauma-Fiction by Robert Petyo
Fire-Fiction by Tom Barlow
The Bank Robbin' Deacon-Flash Fiction by Walter Giersbach
The Matrix of Love-Flash Fiction by J. Brooke
Huddled and Crying-Flash Fiction by Paul Beckman
The Mere Four-Flash Fiction by Henry G. Stanton
The Big Hunt-Flash Fiction by Cindy Rosmus
Family Tree-Poem by Neil Ellman
A Line from Lynynrd Skynyrd-Poem by Mark Young
The End of the End-Poem by Daniel G. Snethen
Bones-Poem by Christopher Hivner
The Berserker Train-Poem by Christopher Hivner
Contemplating an Unknown-Poem by Ayaz Daryl Nielsen
Lifeless Space Rock-Poem by Ayaz Daryl Nielsen
Our Armored Oxygen Suits-Poem by Ayaz Daryl Nielsen
Like Broken Glass-Poem by Luis Cuauhtémoc Berriozábal
Walk at Night-Poem by Luis Cuauhtémoc Berriozábal
Terrible Animal-Poem by Luis Cuauhtémoc Berriozábal
I Am Borges-Poem by Dr. Mel Waldman
I Am Hesse-Poem by Dr. Mel Waldman
I Am Camus-Poem by Dr. Mel Waldman
The House of Four Senses-Poem by John Grey
At the Complaint Department-Poem by John Grey
My Mighty Pen-Poem by John Grey
Cartoons by Cartwright
Hail, Tiger!
Angel of Manslaughter
The Gazing Ball
Strange Gardens
Gutter Balls
Calpurnia's Window
No Place Like Home
ALAT
Dark Tales from Gent's Pens

iamcamus.jpg
Art by Ann Marie Rhiel © 2019

I

 

AM

 

CAMUS

 

by Dr. Mel Waldman

 

 

 

Born

in the bestial abyss of poverty

 

I

am Camus

 

child-man of the sun & sea tasting the African sun the sprawling canopy of fire above & the Mediterranean Sea that bathes my flesh & feeds my unfathomable being in the blazing universe

 

&

I am Camus

 

fatherless 

in a foreign universe

 

Father—

Lucien Auguste Camus—I did not know you killed in WWI I was less than one bereft & left with Mother & older brother & a chilling anecdote that burned the ferocious truth into my brainwaves the barren revelation that once you witnessed a public execution & got deathly ill from this obliteration & this visceral micro-story filled my emptiness & an un-blessing entered my mind & body became part of me imprinted in the invisible universe within & so I wrote & wrote & wrote transforming pain into words   for this is my metamorphosis & yes this is my being & evolution as a writer

 

Mother—

Catherine Helene (Sintes) Camus—you were deaf & illiterate & after Father’s death we moved to Algiers & lived with your family condemned   confined incarcerated in a claustrophobic prison cell of poverty a raw merciless flood mind drowning in the ruinous downpour of reality

 

I

am Camus

 

child-man

of the sun & sea intoxicated with the sensuous universe cosmos of splendor cornucopia of gorgeous glorious galaxies the sensuous universe the African sun

 

nature’s

grandeur everlasting & the everflowing panorama is a rhapsody the music of the desert & the mountain the sky & sea

 

&

the strange beautiful bestial paradox of paradise & poverty side by side

 

&

man is alone in this grand universe

 

I

am alone

 

tasting

& swallowing the chilling fire of cosmic indifference no God no transcendence only the furious waves of human existence in an ocean of absurdity Heaven & Hell here & now in the African sun & the Mediterranean Sea

 

&

I am Camus

 

&

like Mersault, my fictional creation, I too am a stranger drifting along a seething beach swallowing the African sun & nature’s majesty & drinking the opalescence luminescence of the meaningless universe & its monstrous beauty

 

&

eating my aloneness isolation & merciless mortality in the maw of death   my everlasting ebony hole of nothingness the abyss of my nonbeing in the overflowing cosmos oblivious of me child-man of the sun & sea

 

Fatherless

in a foreign universe

 

I

am the isolated man forever the stranger & the outsider observing the inside world & gazing inward

 

swallowing

the Sisyphean struggle of my being quietly singing the song of the rebel   solitary man ferocious sensualist natural man lover of nature for the sensuous universe is all—it is Father & Mother & I am the other & its

lover

 

I

am Camus

 

Father

of Catherine & Jean the twins  

 

call

me loving soothing Papa & we play soccer & I laugh uproariously child-man of the sun & sea

 

&

I am Camus

 

lover

of women 2 wives & sundry mistresses  

 

Yet

with Simone my 1st wife 

 

I

was alone

 

poor

Simone hooked on morphine Simone Hie we had to say goodbye

 

Francine Faure

my 2nd wife gave me more Mother of Catherine & Jean

 

But

did I drive my precious Francine into the unforgiving & unfathomable abyss of madness?

 

Is

this my guilt & un-blessing for my carnal lust?

 

Must

I confess again & again?

 

Yes

I love the others too my mistresses my lovers but you Francine are my precious wife for life & Mother of Catherine & Jean & to you I am your husband Albert Camus

 

I

am Camus

 

child-man

of the sun & sea & wounded man who almost died of TB lover of the grand universe lover of gorgeous galloping nature lover of 2 wives & sundry mistresses  

 

loving

soothing Father of the twins  

 

&

like you a human of mortal & carnal sins

 

&

now in the fall of 1957 I receive the Nobel Prize too soon at 44 can’t fathom why unworthy am I

 

Is

this Heaven or Hell?

 

I

am Camus

 

writer

& rebel  

 

in

the absurd universe there’s so much more to write still ensconced in mid-career here in this death-bound existence so much more to do too soon for early goodbyes

 

I

am forever Albert Camus

 

 

 

Dr. Mel Waldman is a psychologist, poet, and writer whose stories have appeared in numerous magazines including HARDBOILED DETECTIVE, ESPIONAGE, THE SAINT, PULP METAL MAGAZINE, and AUDIENCE. His poems have been widely published in magazines and books including A NEW ULSTER, CLOCKWISE CAT, CRAB FAT LITERARY MAGAZINE, ESKIMO PIE, INDIANA VOICE JOURNAL, LIQUID IMAGINATION, THE BROOKLYN LITERARY REVIEW, BRICKPLIGHT, SKIVE MAGAZINE, ODDBALL MAGAZINE, PABLO LENNIS, POETRY PACIFIC, POETICA, RED FEZ, SQUAWK BACK, SWEET ANNIE & SWEET PEA REVIEW, THE JEWISH LITERARY JOURNAL, THE JEWISH PRESS, THE JERUSALEM POST, HOTMETAL PRESS, MAD SWIRL, HAGGARD & HALLOO, ASCENT ASPIRATIONS, YELLOW MAMA, THE BITCHIN’ KITSCH, SOUL-LIT, TWO DROPS OF INK, and NAMASTE FIJI: THE INTERNATIONAL ANTHOLOGY OF POETRY. A past winner of the literary GRADIVA AWARD in Psychoanalysis, he was nominated for a PUSHCART PRIZE in literature and is the author of 11 books.


Ann Marie Rhiel is the Assistant Art Director for Yellow Mama Webzine. She was born and raised in Bronx, New York, presently living in New Jersey. She reconnected with her passion for art in 2016 and has had her work exhibited in art galleries around northern New Jersey ever since. She is a commissioned painting artist, who also enjoys photography. Her work has also appeared in Black Petals and Megazine Official.

In Association with Black Petals & Fossil Publications © 2019