Keep Friending Me
on Facebook. Sometimes they’re women
wanting boyfriends. Because I’m a cynic,
I delete some requests, mark them as spam.
They wouldn’t date an old man with a cat,
even if it’s a calico. And people who share
mutual friends with me—friends I barely know—
friend me. I don’t have the heart to click No,
can’t be your friend, even if you’re a woman
with blonde hair, green
eyes and stories to share,
not to mention big dreams
that’d cure a cynic
like me. And what if you
discover I own ten cats
whose favorite foods are
pepperoni and Spam?
Plus, my favorite Broadway
show is “Spam-
I’ve thought about Facebook and know
scam artists target me, my calico cat,
even my wife, because she’s a generous woman:
somebody posed as a Marine—a cynic,
I’m sure—and friended her, claimed he wanted to
his life with her, maybe because she called
I’m Sherri from Cincinnati and love Spam.
The soldier—I’d guess a Nigerian and a clumsy
unfriended Sherri without a word, didn’t know
she lied a little when she wrote, Whoa, man,
I’m just an old
lover of long-haired calico cats.
Many amazing, awesome, cool cats
use Facebook—I’m friends with 4,000 I share
nothing with, though some are women
who swig Cutty Sark with their Spam—
and all of them can say words like No
because they choose the path of cynics
who’ve survived by acting cynical.
They want friendship like cats
that approach people who can’t say No,
that choose animal lovers willing to share
their food, whether pepperoni or Spam.
Strangers who think men tougher marks than
Call me a cynic, though you know I share
pictures of my cat drinking milk with her Spam.
But do you know whether I’m a man or a woman?
David Spicer is a former medical journal proofreader. He has
published poems in Santa Clara Review, Synaeresis, Chiron
Review, Remington Review, unbroken, Third Wednesday,
The Tipton Poetry Review, Moria, CircleStreet, The Bookends Review, The
American Poetry Review, Ploughshares, Yellow Mama, The Midnight Boutique, and
elsewhere. Nominated for a Best of the Net three times and a Pushcart twice, he
is author of six chapbooks, the latest of which is Tribe of Two (Seven
CirclePress). His second full-length collection of poems, Waiting for
the Needle Rain, is now available from Hekate Publishing. His website