Notes from a Bathroom Stall
In the Tipsy Unicorn’s unisex bathroom, above the faucet
that never twists all the way off and never will, the words Laura+Tommy 4eva were
scratched into the
wall with all the precision of a drunk kindergartener.
Just below it, in what appeared to be yellow highlighter,
was written the following:
Laura is a fugly
A laminated sign hung on the bathroom door, informing all
Here at the Tipsy
Unicorn we believe in the freedom of expression. Therefore, it is our policy
NOT to erase graffiti, no matter the content.
Thank you =)
A policy tested and proven true when some undiscovered
comedic genius drew a Hitler moustache on the smiley face. Common decency
prevailed when, not even a weekend later, the Hitlerstache morphed into the
luscious twirls of a Victorian gentleman, with an added top hat and monocle to
complete the image. Within the fortnight, an arm extended from the disembodied
smiley face, holding what appeared to be a fat caterpillar but was actually a
And so, the Tipsy Unicorn earned a reputation among urban
hipster bars. If bathroom graffiti was an artform, maintained the profile
pieces and local blogs, then the Tipsy Unicorn was the gold standard. There was
even #tipsyunidickcount to keep track of every phallic image drawn within the
confines of the bathroom
(Current count was twelve).
A message appeared above the toilet in the second stall
from the door. Scrawled in dollar store pen, with faint ink and loopy, feminine
handwriting, it read:
This isn’t a joke.
I’m Margot Diaz. I don’t even know how long I’ve been trapped here. Call the
cops. These people can’t be trusted.
A litany of comments formed below it.
You look awesome,
That’s not funny
you sick fuck. How do you think her family would feel if they saw this?
Whos Margot Diaz?
Some chick who
went missing last fall.
people are sick yo
ur mom takes it up
OMG what if it’s
real + y’all just ignoring her?
It’s FAKE, was written in sparkly green gel pen, the penmanship
looking like resembling something straight out of a fourth-grade boy’s
notebook. Why would they let her out to
write this? Makes no sense.
But not even two days later, another message appeared in
the same neat handwriting and cheap ink.
It’s really me. I
know it sounds crazy. I don’t even know what happened. I was here at the
unicorn with my friends. It’s hard to remember exactly what happened, but I
think we were celebrating my friend’s birthday (her name’s Maya McClure, you
can look her up). I went to the bathroom and a man walked in after me. I didn’t
pay attention at first
The message cut off.
Wow it’s the same
no its not
All that proves is
its the same person doing it. Are there any cameras here?
Stfu you brain
dead magatard. This is serious. Someone should take a pic and put it on insta.
We can compare it to the real Margot’s handwriting.
yous taken this
waaaay to seriously
See this is bs. Go
on r/margotdiaz it says Margot’s friend was TANYA McClure, not Maya.
Maybe she just
wrote it wrong.
Maya and Tanya are
completely different names, wrote
the green gel pen user. Who doesn’t
remember their friend’s name? It’s fake.
maybe she was
drugged, someone replied in
blue ballpoint. fishy but not impossible.
Sorry they cut me
off, “Margot” wrote
the fresh side of the stall. It was a
white guy behind me but not white like the race. His face was literally white
like he was wearing make-up even though he wasn’t. It was like a skull, or like
his face was melted wax. He wore black clothes, a black hood, leather gloves.
He was tall and so thin, like anorexic/ concentration camp survivor thin. He
moved around so fast it was unnatural. He flickered like a shadow against a
flame. Then everything got trippy. He dived on me, but I don’t remember him
touching me. I woke up in a long rectangular room with no windows. I think it’s
the basement. It’s in the Tipsy Unicorn, I know that much.
Omg that’s so
“White” guy huh?
Are you people
seriously buying this no wonder the world’s so f’d up.
Fuck you dumb
disrespectful to real victims and their families.
God bless you
Margot. Jesus saves.
how you can tell her story’s bogus, was written in sparkling green ink, besides the white guy crap. She says
she’s in the basement. Google
the layout of the buildings on 2nd St., they’re all new and remodeled. They
don’t have basements.
how do u know?
He said he googled
it learn reading comprehension.
yo we’re famous
now y’all see the buzzfeed article?
By this point, the Margot-related graffiti covered half of
the bathroom stall. New commenters needed to squeeze their replies around
whatever slivers of space were available. Margot’s next message was Jenga’d
between JN+BW and one
philosopher’s Do you think if our moms
could see how we turn out before getting pregnant, they’d decide not to bother?
Margot again. Don’t
listen to the person writing with green jel pen. He’s one of them. I’ve
seen him writing in this stall. He doesn’t know I can see him. He doesn’t want
you to believe me.
dun dun the plot thickens!
this & uploading it to reddit cuz idk what to think anymore
How did she see
him writing? Was she peeking over the other stall?
How does she even
get a chance to write when she’s locked in the basement??
Maybe they let her
use the bathroom.
this chick’s lying
or crazy, was written with
green gel pen. She’s just salty cuz I’m calling
It didn’t take long for “Margot” to reply.
I’m telling the
truth. He looks like a regular person when he’s at the bar, but he lets it slip
when it’s just me. He isn’t normal. They’re not normal. It’s hard to explain
how I can see him because even I’m not sure. Sometimes I’m stuck in a dark
room, sometimes everything gets fuzzy like static on an old TV, then fades and
reforms into something else. He doesn’t see me when it happens, when I fade
away. That’s when I can come up here and move around a little more freely.
I want w/e drugs
Oh PLEASE, in sparkling green pen. She
isn’t making ANY sense. First you forget Margot’s friend’s name, then you say
you’re in a basement when it’s been PROVEN there isn’t one. You’re only blaming
me because I’m the only one with the balls to tell it like it is.
right. Green Pen Guy's in on it.
fuck outta here
doubt because he doesn’t want us catching on! was written in eager, hastily scrawled red pen. It’s
too late cuz it’s all over the
Internet. The truth’s coming out one way or another.
Did any of you
dumbasses ask yourselfs how margo can get away to write???
bruh she wrote it
on the last stall
Maybe she died in
the bar but doesn’t know it yet.
How the f can a
impossible, was written in big
block letters. She coulda possessed
somebody. Happened to my cousin once.
I don’t want a
ghost possessing me while I’m poopin.
By now, the conversation eclipsed the second stall from the
door, and shifted over to the first one.
Listen, this is
important. I’m not the only one. I don’t know who the others are, but I can
sense them sometimes, like they’re just on the other side of a thin plaster. I
try calling out, but I only hear fragments, like a call with shitty reception.
Then everything flickers in and out, like I’m there but not there, in the
bathroom or the bar for one moment then back in the black room. I know it
sounds crazy, but that’s how it is. I swear I’m not on drugs. I think
Guys, I peed a
doing this is SUPER committed.
Now I know she
said she’s not on drugs, someone
pencil, of all things, the charcoal pressed down so hard it was almost black, but
what if it’s just a bad trip? Either a
druggie’s writing a story or the kidnappers drugged her out of her mind.
Why’s everyone so
sure it’s a she? It’s probably some neckbeard troll in his mom’s basement.
hey have you seen
on margotdiaz.com they compared margot’s handwriting + it’s exactly the same.
this is legit.
BS the handwriting
samples weren’t even close.
The “Margot” messages had completely colonized both stalls.
They next update had to be written over the Tipsy Unicorn’s original, ancient
(re: five-year-old) graffiti, the dollar store pen pushed to its limits just to
be visible over the stone age doodles.
Why are you
talking about trolls? This isn’t a joke. They have me but they’ll probably need
more soon. I can already feel myself fading away. There’s too little of me
left, and I forget things. I can’t remember what year I graduated high school
or where Jake took me on our first date. When they’re done with me, they’ll
need fresh people to sustain them. It could be any one of you. Please call 911.
Please. Why won’t anyone listen?
Margot, calm down,
someone wrote in handwriting
neat it bordered on clinical. No one’s
doubting you. It’s just hard to understand. What is Green Pen Guy doing? How
does he fit into this?
Margot’s reply came within the hour.
He visits me when
I’m in the dark room. I think he needs to feed. I don’t mean blood like a
vampire, it’s more like (she
the next word furiously, making it impossible to read) energy. It’s him, but
the managers are also in on it. Maybe they also
need energy or maybe they just help him or maybe they’re the same. When he’s
near, it’s hard to focus. My brain gets fuzzy. But when I concentrate hard enough,
if I focus all my energy, I have some control. Even he can’t see me half the
time. But it’s getting harder. I’m too weak.
The next comment was written so sloppily that the words
blurred together; the Rosetta Stone was easier to decipher. And the sparkly
green gel pen certainly didn’t help.
Notice this isn’t
getting erased? If it was a conspiracy to drain people’s energy (lol) wouldn’t
the owners erase it?
Dude, there’s a no
erase policy, the sign says so.
YOU THINK THEY
WOULDN’T BREAK IT FOR THIS?!
Wow, Green Pen Guy
is losing it.
Unless he’s really
scared. Too many people are paying attention now.
I (heart) U Margot, stay strong!
happened last night, was
purple marker. I thought I saw a girl in
the bathroom mirror. Long brown hair like Margot Diaz, and that same jean
jacket she’s always wearing in the pics. She opened her mouth to speak, but
then she disappeared in a flash. All of a sudden I got the chills, you know?
Like someone else was here, and they were not good. Like how creepy
dudes stare you down at the bar. I peaced out asap.
Fake. Just trying
to get attention.
Idk, it does feel
creepy in here.
I thought I saw a
shadow in the mirror, but maybe it was just an emo kid.
Green Pen Guy has
a point. Why DON’T they erase it? It’s calling them kidnappers.
Its there policy.
No moron it’s a
publicity stunt. Think about the social media attention.
We’re all talking
about it, aren’t we?
It’s like I’m part
of their world now, Margot
wrote. They took too much out of me. I try to hold
my mom’s face in my mind, but it slips away. Where her cheeks really as round
as I remember? Did she wear her hair long or short? Who can’t remember their
own mother’s face? Their brother’s birthday? If they’re 22 or 23? I’m so tired
I don’t even know why I’m fighting so hard. Can it really be worth all the
effort, when I don’t even remember Margot Diaz anymore? I’m so tired. If you’re
reading this, do what you can to protect yourself. I don’t think I’m
Margot, are you
The next day, the Tipsy Unicorn closed unexpectedly. A pipe
burst, they said. Sorry for the inconvenience. When they reopened, full of
apologies and discount drink specials, the unisex bathroom had a fresh, clean
coat of white paint.
Jude Clee is a teacher, writer, and blogger for