Megamouth Has Cavities

Richard Stevenson

Megamouth

has mega cavities!

Needs a dentist now!

Owww! he’d groan

if he could groan.

Take the whole front row!

I’ve got others.

Can’t afford false teeth:

don’t have any dough.

Hell, I’ll take stainless steel.

Don’t need pearly whites:

they’re just gonna get re-stained!

If megamouth could utter anything,

he’d sure have a lot to say

about the eons his kind’s been around.

Might even agree to brush

after every meal, if he could

find a big enough brush.

Tell you what.  I won’t eat you

if you could just find a hydrant-sized

syringe and enough anaesthetic.

You could just jackhammer out the duds,

install new posts.  Maybe make a bridge

big enough to cross a river.  That’d work!

If he had a tin grin

he could earn his grits

by smilin’ for selfies all day!

He’d bob for apples – a treeful maybe.

But what the heck.  Truth is he’s probably

sick of fish and homo s kebabs.

We could use a disc sander maybe –

Fill the holes with polyfill or

give ‘im steel dentures even.

Would he smile then?

Or just open wide 

and swallow us whole?

Richard Stevenson retired after a thirty-year teaching stint at Lethbridge College and now lives in Nanaimo, BC.  Forthcoming books include a trilogy, Cryptid Shindig, from Hidden Brook Press ( including the volumes If a Dolphin Had Digits, Nightcrawlers, and Radioactive Frogs); a standalone collection, An Abominable Swamp Slob Named Bob, from Altered Reality Press; and collection of haikai and lyric poems for younger kids, Action Dachshund! (from Ekstasis Editions).  He’s hoping to put another edition of his poetry/rock troupe, Sasquatch, together when Covid takes a bow and we can have live music again.