Giant Cockroach

Richard Stevenson

California City, halfway between

Bakersfield and Barstow.  A woman

named Peggy, en route to L.A. from Las Vegas,

pulls into a cheap hotel for the night.

It’s late, but someone or something

knocks on her door, so Peggy opens

the door a crack.  Keeps the chain on.

She sees a six-foot cockroach!

It spits some brown liquid at her,

manages to get a leg through the door

and flip the chain, grab hold of her.

She remembers a Chuck Norris flick.

Drops to her butt and sweeps

its legs out from under it.

Makes a break for it down the hall,

but the cockroach catches up to her.

She struggles to escape its twin prong

grip of her wrist.  Manages to free herself

long enough to get to an open door,

slams it on one of the roach’s antennae.

It screams, but manages to extract

its antenna and runs off into the night.

Cops are called, but can’t catch the roach.

Not that they aren’t amused by the escapade.

That’s it.  A six-and-a-half-foot roach.

What’s a woman to do?  Call housekeeping?

Get The Better Business Bureau on the blower?

Call for a garbage can size tin of Raid?

Roaches from space lookin’ for some

shut-eye too?  A human voice called

for extra blankets.  Some goof on a toot

in realistic roach suit?  Who knows?

Can’t be the easiest way to get

a young woman to open her door –

What’s he gonna do?  Say he didn’t mean

to scare her?  Wanna go to a Halloween party?

Hey, I’ve got just the costume for you.

A lady roach ensemble.  Should fit you

and still leave room for moving mouth parts.