By Janet Hartwell
I’m swiping through “Professor
Payback’s Revenge” website on my phone, looking for ideas, and I get
blindsided, slammed face down into the dirt. I’m spitting dirt out of my mouth
as I try to stand up. Bam, someone kicks me in the head, and I am in the dirt
again. I roll over slowly, expecting to get hammered again. I look up and see
Lisa holding a gun on me.
are you doing, woman. Are you crazy? Don’t point that at me. Put that down
before you hurt yourself.” I say as I start to get up. A kick to my head knocks
me back down.
the hell is
your problem?” I say. I don’t need Professor Payback to know I gotta act
you do all that to me?”
accusing me of? You got problems? Maybe
it’s because of you being conceited, not knowing your place, or respecting your
betters.” I knew exactly what she was talking about, but I couldn’t admit it. I
know from “Professor Payback’s Revenge” website that I gotta pretend she's
crazy, and I am innocent.
one of my betters? A loser like you?” Lisa jerks the gun toward me.
"I'm saying you should be more considerate of other
people’s feelings” Professor Payback suggests always talking up feelings and
avoiding words like ego or pride.
a damn thing to you.”
"Come on, girl, I asked you out,
and you said no. Yet you went out with that Mark guy, and he isn't even from
our company. Don’t make no sense.”
Mark is single. That make any sense to you?”
"I saw you talking to Mark, and I
knew you were available, wanting some action. I wanted some too. Not a big deal."
I needed to make her think she was unreasonable, while I was just an average
guy. I learned my strategy from Professor Payback.
told Mark I
was sleeping with you. You lair.”
up with ya? Over that? No big loss. Jesus, Lisa. Guys bullshit about that kind
of stuff all the time.” I try to minimize her loss while fighting the urge to
love him, and now
he won’t even talk to me.” Lisa’s eyes tear up.
believes every little bit of gossip, he’s an idiot. Looks like I did you a
again, but not as hard. I feel I am successfully talking my way out of this
situation. Professor Payback would be proud of me.
“You set it up so I would get fired. You told my landlord I was making meth, and
I got evicted. I've been living in my car for two weeks, which is about all the
good it is cause it ain't runnin' no more. You did that too, didn't you?”
"Hey, I admit taking a shit in
Mark's head, but why you blaming all your problems on me? Maybe those problems
are karma for being conceited. I didn't get you fired, it was all you, baby.
Women shouldn't try to do that kind of work." Professor Payback instructs
to shift the blame.
"Well, you've been bragging about
doing it on this website. You even posted pictures!"
Oh shit, Lisa has my phone. If she calls
the cops, they will bust me for stalking, malicious harassment, slander, libel,
vandalism, and maybe a few other things. Luckily, Professor Payback has
developed a strategy for every situation. I will say Lisa does not understand
me or that she made me think she wanted me to do stuff. I’ll parade my
wife and kids in front of the
jury and get off with a slap on the wrist, just like Professor Payback says.
I need to get that phone back and avoid
the hassle. Then I am gonna mess with this bitch until she is living in the
gutter with no teeth. I wonder if the "confession and regret" routine
or the "you forced me to do it" method would work better.
hurt my feelings when you wouldn’t go out with me. I wanted revenge and found
that website. Yeah, I did a few bad things, but you can’t blame me. Lisa, give
me a chance to show you what a nice guy I am.”
am talking about my hurt feelings, figuring to transfer the blame to the
website, when I notice Lisa is staring at my phone and bawling. She starts
babbling about her kitty.
it’s not a
big deal, it didn’t suffer, and I’ll get you a new one. You should try and be a
good sport. This is just a misunderstanding.”
Lisa slides my cell phone into her purse
and now has both hands on the gun. She is aiming it at my head. Her finger is
on the trigger.
sorry. I guess I got carried away because of that website. But you know my
feelings were really hurt. Haven’t you ever had hurt feelings? Try to ….”
lives near the Rocky Mountains with
her dog and cat. She enjoys reading short stories and flash fiction, and her
flash fiction has been published in Yellow Mama and Shotgun
Honey. Janet is also an AFOL (adult fan of Lego) and occasionally travels
in an RV.
John L. Thompson
currently lives in New Mexico with his wife of twenty-five years.
When he is not searching for
lost remnants of the old west, he can be found working on several writing projects. Thompson
is known to have worked as a truck driver, heavy line diesel mechanic, armored
truck guard, corrections, body guard, and a host of other professions.
His true passion is writing,
collecting vintage books and is the current cover artist for the Casca the Eternal Mercenary
series. His novel 'Truck Stop' is due out 2017-18 by Dusty Desert Press.