Hands Off the Merchandise

by Roy Dorman

Jessica Norton struggled into her third-floor apartment with two large bags of groceries and went directly to her kitchen table without turning on any lights. 

As she set the bags down, she felt two hands settle onto her shoulders.

There were still no lights, and Jessica gasped as if preparing to scream bloody murder.

And then the hands started massaging her shoulders. They somehow felt familiar, almost intimate, and at first, she couldn’t place them.

And then she did. They belonged to Arthur Collingsworth, her creepy boss from three jobs ago. She’d be making a pizza, and he’d come up behind her and do that massage thing. 

“Anything new with you, Jessica?” Arthur asked, his hands drifting from her shoulders to her neck.

“I’ve enrolled in culinary school,” Jessica murmured. “I’m going to be a chef.”

“I’m sorry, Jessica,” Arthur whispered into her ear. “I’m afraid you’ll never fulfill that dream.”

“But I just bought a new set of kitchen knives,” Jessica responded, turning to plunge a carving knife deep under Arthur’s ribs.

“And Arthur?” she said, her nose so close to his they almost touched. “I do want to thank you for finding me so I could finally fulfill another dream of mine.”

Arthur gurgled a bloody reply before Jessica removed her knife from his chest and pushed him roughly to the kitchen floor.

She turned on the kitchen light and stared at her knife.

“Knives are always so nice and sharp when they’re new, aren’t they?” she mused.

She then slid the knife back into Arthur and called 911 to report an intruder. 

Jessica hoped the Forensics Unit wouldn’t hold onto her knife too long. Her culinary class started in two weeks, and she’d probably need that knife for homework assignments.