Everyone Says I'm Looking Well

Everyone Says I’m Looking Well

by Bernice Holtzman

Everyone says I’m looking well

I’m taking such good care of myself

Not falling back into old patterns

Really growing

And although I can’t seem to sleep through the night

And my thoughts make my head hurt

And I’m scared all the time

I’m going to work

And keeping my apartment clean

And exercising

And everyone says I’m looking well

My mother says, “This too shall pass”

And “Happiness is something that happens when you’re busy doing something else”

And I should take a class

And she’s worried about her friend who’s been very depressed

And she’s afraid she may try to

You know

Hurt herself

But she’s glad we could meet for lunch

And I’m really looking very well

My friends say, “You’re so talented and intelligent and funny”

And they think this is going to be a very good year for me

So even though I don’t enjoy eating

Or listening to music
And I don’t feel safe anywhere anymore
Everyone thinks I’m looking well
So they’d see if there was something wrong.

Wouldn’t they?

Bernice Holtzman is an author of poems, short fiction, autobiographical pieces, two (so far) children’s stories, and all manner of clever commentary. Her work has appeared in The National Poetry Magazine of the Lower East Side. That was 30 years ago, and she’s still talking about it.