Yellow Mama Archives III

Elizabeth Zelvin

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Zelvin, Elizabeth

The Dance

 

by Elizabeth Zelvin

 

God, let this be a good day. The sun is shining. I will help bring in the harvest. Friends and strangers join us, first to work and then to dance and sing. Tonight we will celebrate the harvest. The sun and the harvest, work and friends and music ought to be enough. Is it wrong to long for more? Is it too much to want someone to love? God, let this day be special. Let tonight be different from all other nights. Is it too much to ask?

Now it is night. The sky is black. The stars are out. I am dancing with a man I have just met. I like the sparkle in his eyes and the grip of his hand as we circle in the dance. His hand is big and rough, the hand of someone who is not afraid of work. His clasp is firm and gentle, as if my smaller hand is precious, like a child's. I feel warm and safe. The floor is packed. Others all around us have given themselves to the dance, the joyful music. We laugh, for no particular reason.

He says, "Your dress is pretty."

The dress is new. I bought it for the dance. I like his smile.

Maybe he will be the one.

Shots ring out. The man I danced with vanishes. I hear screaming all around me. I cannot speak or move. I have blood spatters on my dress. Blood spatters on my dress.

Around me all is dark. I am dying. I am dying.

How can I go to meet my God with blood spatters on my dress?

 

 

THE DIFFERENCE

 

Elizabeth Zelvin

 

the difference between a hookup nowadays

and what we called a one-night stand

is that the girls we were back then

were always looking for love

yes, every single time we hoped

that moment of connection had to lead 

to more, we wanted more, we wanted love

 

we didn’t care which boy bestowed it

never noticed he had none to give

 

the boy I’d flirted with for weeks at the office

finally snagged at a weekend party

on the rooftop under the stars

said Get out the moment it was over

ignored me at the copier on Monday

 

the boy in the cornfield on the camping trip

after mixing grain and grape and hop

a mistake I never made again

we worked together for the next two years

he would never meet my eyes

never spoke to me in all that time

 

the boy who said Everything human is natural to me

the Roman poet Terence, more correctly

Nothing human is alien to me

more comfortable quoting the classics

to justify himself than asking my permission

yet another way to ignore No

 

my granddaughters are young women now

joyous, beautiful, full of life

rich in women friends

so far treat the boys they know as buddies

both their parents were late bloomers

please, God, let my girls skip the hookup phase

fly, when they’re ready, straight to love



GOLIATH

 

Elizabeth Zelvin

 

like a sneering hunched rhinoceros

tossing giant boulders on his horn

he blunders toward whatever stands against him

blind animal that he is, he stomps

the ground until it shudders

step by step his lumbering feet crash down

on crowds of people, cities, forests

 

what will he trample next?

institutions, nations, the tectonic plates

that hold the earth together

 

will anyone dare to stop him?

one reckless disenchanted politician?

one general with the courage to say no?

one young person with clear eyes and flowing hair

a slingshot and a single stone?



LILITH GOES TRANS

 

Elizabeth Zelvin

 

 

I don't want to be a woman any more

I've had enough of dancing backward

on heels sharp enough to pierce parquet

as Adam, tuxed and Old Spiced for the ball

grips my butt with jealous fingers

eyes fixed on my décolletage

and mansplains the night away

 

Adam's groupies will be glad I'm gone

so will the ladies who lunch

competitive yeshiva bochers

demonize me anyway

the feminists will lose an archetype

the original Vilde Chaya

 

Eve says she'll miss the way we laughed  

the girl talk in the Ladies

how we borrowed one another's clothes

and did each other's hair

she's afraid that I'll transition into One of Them

she says We won't be sisters any more



ULTIMATE PEACE

 

Elizabeth Zelvin

 

 

my granddaughter at seventeen

one of a bunch of Jersey girls and boys

selected for potential

spends the summer on a rich kids' campus

all hallowed halls and tennis courts

learning how to think

 

she writes a research paper

on the other summer program on the site

children making friends, as she is

playing Ultimate Frisbee

the only team sport without outside referees

on each disputed play or call

the players must resolve the conflict

exchange opinions, listen, reach consensus

in thirty seconds—so say the Rules

the Spirit of the Game defines the game

 

what's special about these kids

throwing a frisbee around, eyes bright

flushed and laughing as they run and leap

swipe the disc out of midair and send it spinning?

they're Israeli and Palestinian kids

segregated from each other all their lives till now

coming together, my granddaughter writes

before their innocence and open-mindedness is tainted

 

she describes these children swaying, singing

John Lennon's Imagine, arms interlocked

uses it as a metaphor for a developing mindset

a refusal to allow political groups, public sentiment

and the media to corrupt their perceptions of one another

 

then she refutes charges that this beautiful moment

is naive, the song sentimental

pushing an artificial narrative of peace and love

she says, progress cannot be achieved without imagination

 

How can you expect a Palestinian child in Gaza

to forget the screams? my granddaughter asks

How can you expect an Israeli child

at the Nova Music Festival to forget the screams?

You cannot expect them to.

 

At seventeen, was I so clear-eyed? So concerned

my responses to the world might be

considered naive and simplistic

so articulate about why they were not?

 

Children's sports programs like Ultimate Peace

offer a long-term process of healing and understanding

that replaces lessons of being taught how to hate

she says. Not acting at all is much worse. As the cycle

of resentment and hostility continues

younger generations need to be better equipped

to overcome the fear and prejudice they inherit.

 

every grandmother is a fairy godmother

bestowing three wishes at birth

only three? okay, so we cheat

mine for this beloved girl are true at seventeen

health, happiness, and a social conscience

a happy childhood, a moral compass, and a capacity for joy

a voice of her own, an imagination, and the ability to think



The Nice Ones

 

by Elizabeth Zelvin

 

My Aunt Marion told me about her next-door neighbors when she lived up north. The family was a father and mother, a boy, and three girls. The mother was a downtrodden woman, too scared of her own shadow, Aunt Marion said, to have a conversation with a neighbor. The boy was the apple of the father’s eye. You could hear his voice booming, “my son,” all around the neighborhood. The girls fended for themselves.

 

One night, the boy went into the oldest girl’s room and assaulted her. Aunt Marion heard screeching and then a lot of shouting from the boy and his dad. Aunt Marion hesitated to call the police, but other neighbors did. In the end, it was all brushed off as a misunderstanding. The father went around telling everyone what a good brother his boy was to his sisters for a week afterward. After that, the girls all locked their bedroom doors at night until one night, the oldest sister forgot. The brother went in with an axe and split her head open. She died instantly. Even then, the father insisted his boy was a good boy, and the girl, his dead daughter, must have started it somehow. Aunt Marion thought that made the father as insane as the son, who never stood trial and ended up in a mental institution. 

 

The State itself being unhinged, Aunt Marion said, the two remaining girls were considered safe in the family now, with a father who never ceased to bemoan the loss of his wonderful son and a mother who, having formerly been inattentive to all her children equally, now mourned her dead daughter while continuing to neglect the two who still lived. Her depression worsened until she stopped going out of the house at all. A year after the tragedy, she hanged herself.

 

Their mother’s suicide finally got the girls out of there. They clung to each other, cried, and begged so hard not to be separated that they were even placed together in an excellent foster family in a different neighborhood. They were two of the nice ones, Aunt Marion said. But the damage was done. They didn’t get the sympathy they deserved. By that time, the story had spread and warped, as stories do. Most people thought that the two girls themselves had killed “all those people,” although some believed they killed them only because they were so desperate to get away and into a home where they might experience some kindness.

 

I remembered that when I married my own abusive pervert of a husband. I thought of those two girls the night I leaned over in the bed where he slept beside me and cut him right across the jugular. I’m not one of the nice ones. Sorry, Aunt Marion.


Katie in the City

 

by Elizabeth Zelvin

 

 

like a dervish in the frenzied ecstasy

of being young and free

she whirls through our apartment

strews her stuff in all the rooms

leaves crumpled clothing on the floor

the way her dad did forty years ago

 

so recently ecloded from the chrysalis

she rises early every morning  

spreads bright wings and flies downtown

to a World Trade Tower of glittering steel and glass   

a vast office on the sixty-second floor, a job she loves

 

I ask, did they talk to you about safety?

just about fire drills, she says

I know you use the stairs if there's a fire

it's a lot of stairs, but I'm in good shape 

 

my heart clenches  

what's wrong with them?

have they forgotten 911?  

did they not mention she's at risk

and can't take fire drills as a joke the way kids do?

does no one warn the young

of all we learned so bitterly the hard way?

 

on 911, they told workers on the higher floors

you have a choice: go up or down

I say, if something happens, Katie, go down!

I will, Grandma, she says, I promise

 

I will not imagine towers crumbling  

glass splintering, black smoke rising

remember that terrible meaningless sacrifice

or turn to stone for fear of another

I will revel in her for today

this dancer who choreographs her unique glow  

into the pattern of lights that is Manhattan

combs out her hair each evening like a mermaid

thinks like an engineer, laughs like a child

this young woman no one has ever hurt


Elizabeth Zelvin writes the Bruce Kohler Mysteries and the Mendoza Family Saga. Her stories appear in Ellery Queen's Mystery Magazine, Alfred Hitchcock's Mystery Magazine, and Black Cat Mystery Magazine, as well as Yellow Mama.

In Association with Fossil Publications