The Allegewi of the Alleghenies
like their humans soft and chewy –
don’t generally descend on yer
Arnie Swartzenegger types in spite
of their enormous height advantage.
Mesomorphs need too much stewing
and have to be pounded and diced
into homo s. kebabs skewered and barbecued
with tomatoes, green peppers, and onions –
way too much work; too long a wait.
They need a few corpses in cool caves
for when company comes, and the prep
could take all day. For the modern
cannibal on the make it’s better to have
dated a while before trying to impress a date.
Bein’ a woodsy, primitively clothed cannibal
with only basic tools at hand, its better
to toss a heavy stone at a human’s head,
knock his brains out; hull the cranium –
brains make a nice raw paté appetizer.
Nards and ears are nice nibbly bits
while the missus or master get busy
with the fire. Torso, arms, legs
should be torn apart or severed into
bite-size pieces. Best to plan for an hour’s
No, yer plump child or overweight adult
comes apart easier and his nether bits
aren’t as chewy. Melt in their mouths
like butter tarts. Don’t give ‘em
Little fat kids are the best though. A treat
but don’t go around as far. Good when
yer a batchelor Allegewi, out on yer own.
Don’t have to be too particular about
yer manners or accoutrements. Bare hands
rip limbs off nicely. One’s usually enough.
Stevenson is a retired college English and Creative Writing instructor. Taught
for thirty years at Lethbridge College in southern Alberta and recently moved
to Nanaimo, B.C. Has the usual pedigree: MFA in Creative Writing, thirty-five
published books and a CD to his credit, including four forthcoming volumes in
his Cryptid critter, ET, and Fortean lore series.
He says: That's the boring academic stuff. More interested to me is my good
fortune in being able to transition from adult free verse of the lit quarterly
variety to sci fi, fantasy, and horror! The new titles might give a sense of
the fun I've been having, even in these Covid-19 times: _Cryptid Shindig_ (a
trilogy including the volumes _If a Dolphin Had Digits_, _Nightcrawlers_, and
_Radioactive Frogs_) and a stand-alone collection, _An Abominable Swamp Slob
Named Bob_. :-)