What It's Like

“I want to feel them burrowing inside me,” Marvin said. He took a puff from the cigarette and blew a deformed smoke ring. “I want to feel them eating me from the outside. Just like they always describe in movies or books. You know, like when they finally get put in the ground,” Marvin said after taking another drag.

Teddy leaned forward in his armchair. He could barely see Marvin's face. The office of Marvin's home was void of any light. Teddy noticed these conversations always happened in the dark. The clients always submitted their dark desires in appropriate settings. He was never shocked by their requests. You couldn't be if you were going to make any sort of living. It was always business. It was rare when the client also wanted to be the target. People often wanted other people removed from the game of life. Teddy had done these kind of jobs before. This was different. Teddy was still leaning forward searching for the eyes of Marvin in the darkness. He needed to know if this latest client was serious or putting him on. All he could find was the orange signal of a fading cigarette.

"You want me to feed you to a bunch of bugs?" Teddy asked with a voice searching for clarity. Marvin stamped out the cigarette in a glass ashtray on his end table. He leaned forward and sighed.

"I told you. I want to be buried alive. I want to feel everything the dead feel when they are cast into the dirt. Yes, I want the worms to consume my flesh. Yes, I want to rot away into a grimy shell of my former self. The difference is I want to do it alive."

"Don't be so reductionist. There is a process, and I expect you to follow it, down to every detail. I paid you very well for this."

“Don’t worry, I will deliver. I just needed some understanding, is all. Why this way?”

Marvin got up from his reading chair and approached the fireplace. He bent down and worked the dial. Dancing flames illuminated the room. Shadows retreated, revealing the bookshelves that surrounded the two men. Marvin approached the bookshelf behind Teddy. He ran his index finger down the rows of old literature until he found what he was looking for. Marvin let out a sly chuckle and grabbed the volume. He turned and handed it to Teddy.

"This is part of my fascination," Marvin said, leaning over Teddy's chair. Teddy read the title. It was a collection of stories from Poe. "I'm sure you are familiar with his work regarding the theme of premature burial," Marvin said.

Teddy nodded. “So, you’re obsessed with the idea because you read about it.”

Marvin stepped around to face the hired professional. He wore a look of disgust that seemed exaggerated by the fiery light. “It’s not just his work. This is about unlocking a lost feeling. I don’t expect you to understand why. But this is what I want. I want to go all the way. I want to know what it’s like.”

"Sure, I hear you. And I will do it. It just doesn't make sense. You see, most people hire me to take care of other people they don't like. I have been hired by someone who also wanted me to take them out. Usually, it's because of terminal illness, and they can ensure their spouse is taken care of with life insurance. Once, it was someone who was done with life and couldn't do it themselves. But this is a little different. It's like an experiment for you. You know I will follow every detail. But do you know once I start, I will not stop? Do you understand this is no game for me? It might be for you, but the consequences are irreversible. You get that?"

Marvin bent down to stare into Teddy's eyes. They could see the orange glow in each other's pupils. "Sir, I know very well what I want. I just need you to deliver. You asked why. I will tell you. This is something that has fascinated me since I was a boy. I do not expect you to get it. A long time ago when I was small. There was an accident while hiking. I fell into a hole, and some topsoil fell through with me. I was partially buried. It terrified me at first. But then, the longer I lay there, the more euphoric I became. I felt at peace. I was partially covered in dirt. There was a feeling of protection and warmth. The worms crawled through the loose soil, inching their way to me. The feeling was unlike anything I could understand. There was something happening to me. It was something I was too young to pick up on. I was rescued after half an hour. There would be no resolution. I felt disappointed. I wanted to know more about this. The way it made me feel. I needed more. I read Poe's works. I read case studies on death. I researched the work of a mortician. Later in life, I became one. I was kicked out of that line of work soon after."

Marvin smiled. “You want to know the why with everything. I will say this. The job was not the right fit for what I was looking for.”

The memory formed in his mind. Marvin recalled it vividly, lying there in the soft cushion interior. He folded his arms and closed his eyes. He felt at peace with the idea. He fit ever so snugly inside of the steel box. Then his fantasy was disturbed by a firm hand shaking him awake. The funeral home's Director had caught him again. It was the last warning for the third time. Marvin didn't stop there. He took a ride with some police after he decided to step into a freshly dug lot. Marvin climbed right inside the muddy hole and lay down; waiting for the men with shovels to fill in the empty space. While he waited, he dug his hand down his pants. He gripped the shaft and worked it up and down. He anticipated a rain of dirt while he worked. Instead, the local authorities forced him out and took him away.

No one understood what he wanted. No one understood why this was important. He needed this. Marvin needed this experience like a believer needed to find God. Life and death depended on this. He needed to know what it was like. He needed to recapture that first time. Lying there, partially covered in dirt, feeling anxious and then slowly turning into acceptance.

"You want to know why? It's because my pursuit of this experience has left me with failure after failure," Marvin said, looking toward the flames. "Please, I need this. I hope you get that when you begin your work."

Teddy combed over the handwritten note. He chuckled at some of the intricacies. He promised to deliver, and he had never disappointed a client yet. Teddy prided himself on quality over quantity. He was used to clients requesting special touches and trademarks. A playing card or a rose left at the scene. This was a new level but also a challenge Teddy could meet.

The work began at midnight. Marvin prepared himself in private while Teddy made the technical preparations. A spot was chosen out back behind the house. Teddy lifted mound after mound of mud and dirt using a shovel Marvin purchased for the occasion. Each toss of soil hit the solid ground with a wet noise. Next, it was time to lower the metal box down into the dirt. Marvin had it custom-made by a local machine shop. When asked what for, Marvin replied, "to capture a lost feeling." The metal box was lowered into the ground using a forklift Marvin had also rented from the same shop. Teddy had pulled up to the hole, dragging mud along. Teddy lifted and lowered two different levers. The massive forks slowly lowered the box onto the edge of the grave. Teddy tossed another lever that raised the forks and tilted the box slightly. Teddy needed to be careful so the box didn't flip the wrong way. Teddy carefully put the forklift in reverse and slowly trod the mud. The forks were maneuvered out of the slots that were molded on each side of the metallic box. Once Teddy was clear of the box, he shifted the forklift forward and gently pushed the box with the forks. The metal tomb hit the bottom of the grave with a thundering slam.

Marvin stepped around the side of the forklift. He wore a tuxedo with a red bowtie. He wore a smile of approval as he stepped closer to the grave. "Alright, time to climb in," Teddy said. Marvin nodded and climbed down into the hole. Once in the hole, Marvin reached for the door handle and opened his metal coffin. When asked for a handle on the other side, Marvin had declined. There would be no leaving. It was cushioned just like a traditional casket. Marvin turned around and began to lay inside his resting place. For a moment, he stared up at the night sky. He could see the stars sprinkling throughout the abyss of space as he thought to himself. Soon he would see that abyss in complete purity. He wouldn't have to wait long. Marvin knew this as he listened to the rumbling above his grave. The forklift was there to deliver the payload. Marvin cracked a grin as the goopy mud and dusty dirt poured down, blocking out his vision.

Teddy shut off the forklift and stared down into the hole. The dirt and mud had caked into the chamber with Marvin. There was still room to shut the door. First, there was one more request to fill. Teddy returned to the house to retrieve two jars Marvin wrote about in his instructions. They were seated on the kitchen counter under a silk cloth. When he tossed back the silk, he was not surprised to find them. The note told him what to expect and how to conduct the proceedings. Inside the jars, they writhed and wriggled. The worms felt around the glass, caking a slimy substance on the walls. In the other jar, maggots writhed around in a pile like static on a television.

Teddy pondered the sanity of his client. This was not typical in his decade-long profession. Nothing ever produced questions until tonight. This was always business. Teddy drew the lines years ago with his first job. The name of the game was get it done and don’t think about it. Most clients just wanted someone dead. You make that someone dead. That was it. Sometimes the client was the target. Those situations made sense. Life is already over, why drag it out? But this guy Marvin? It was clear to Teddy that Marvin knew what he wanted. It was also clear Marvin understood Teddy’s rules for engagement. As Teddy examined the jars of writhing pests he began to form his own curiosities about Marvin’s desires. Teddy could pick up on subtext. The expression, better than sex ran through his mind with a childish glee. Teddy watched the worms and maggots crawl and squirm. He thought better of the situation. Stick to the job. The only pleasure he needs in this life is the money. People like Marvin are why business and pleasure don’t mix. Whatever this is may be better than sex. But it ain’t better than being alive to spend the cash.

He took the jars to the hole and dumped them, one by one into the dirt-laden box. Then he shut the door and hopped back on the forklift. Teddy tossed the last of the dirt into the hole scoop by scoop. The job was still not complete. Per the written instructions, he would return in two weeks and dig up the box.

Marvin felt the mud and dirt on his face and in his mouth. He felt his lungs on fire with the reduction of air. He could feel something wet writhing about near his eye. He was still smiling through it all. Something was gently chewing on his eye. He stretched a hand through the dusty earth and was able to reach down between his covered legs. With a firm grasp, he worked the shaft with dirt as the lubricant. The pain of his eye was bearable through the pleasure. Marvin could only see darkness anyway. He wasn't going to need eyes much longer. He could feel the compacted pressure of the soil against his body. The air was fading quickly. The sensations were pleasure and pain intertwined. A thought stirred within him. Was this like the first time? No. Not even close. His smile remained through the movement of his hand because it was better than the first time.

Much to Teddy's surprise, the forklift was still there and operational. He recalled the shovel Marvin insisted he use at the start. Teddy didn’t think Marvin would be in any position to critique his work tonight. The forklift would cut down on time immensely. He fired it up and set to work, lifting the topsoil of Marvin's grave. After minutes of work, the metal box was revealed. He climbed down inside and slowly opened the metal door. It came off easier than expected. The grime covered seals would need more time to cake up the hinges. A foul aroma of decay filled Teddy's nostrils. Teddy pulled a flashlight from his pocket and shined it inside the grave. Dirt and mud were still caked inside of the box. With a gloved hand, he swiped away the muddy soil until he found it. For the first time in his professional life, he found something that made him jump back. Marvin's face stared up with one dead eye. The other eye was eaten away just like he wanted. Parts of Marvin's face bore entrances for the worms to feast. He was still grinning with grime-covered teeth. It was difficult to say if this was intentional or just how things ended up with decay. Teddy placed the light on Marvin's face. The man found what he was looking for. Buried alive and now he does know what it is like. Teddy took in the face of Marvin. For a moment, he thought he saw the eye move. Perhaps a worm or maggot was shifting about. But then doubt formed. Teddy could have sworn he heard it. For a moment, he thought he heard Marvin whisper, "Thank you."

Residing in Greenwood, Indiana, James McIntire writes horror and sci-fi. Always looking to subvert all expectations with each story. James is the author of short story collections Visions and The Guide Book For a Bad Time. James has also written a variety of articles for the website WickedHorror.com. He is a mad scientist creating the most depraved and bizarre stories possible.

Wayne F. Burke's drawings have appeared in a number of publications, in print and online, including FLARE, Portland Review (ME). Red Savina, Duane's Poe Tree, Driftwood Magazine, Grey Sparrow, The Octopus Review, About Place Journal, and elsewhere. He lives in the central Vermont area (USA).