Yellow Mama Archives

Rudy Ravindra
Home
Adhikari, Sudeep
Ahern, Edward
Aldrich, Janet M.
Allan, T. N.
Allen, M. G.
Ammonds, Phillip J.
Anderson, Peter
Andreopoulos, Elliott
Arab, Bint
Augustyn, P. K.
Aymar, E. A.
Babbs, James
Baber, Bill
Bagwell, Dennis
Bailey, Ashley
Baird, Meg
Bakala, Brendan
Baker, Nathan
Balaz, Joe
BAM
Barber, Shannon
Bates, Jack
Baugh, Darlene
Bauman, Michael
Baumgartner, Jessica Marie
Beale, Jonathan
Beck, George
Beckman, Paul
Benet, Esme
Bennett, Brett
Bennett, Charlie
Berg, Carly
Berman, Daniel
Bernardara, Will Jr.
Berriozabal, Luis
Beveridge, Robert
Bickerstaff, Russ
Bigney, Tyler
Blake, Steven
Bohem, Charlie Keys and Les
Booth, Brenton
Bougger, Jason
Boyd, A. V.
Boyd, Morgan
Bracey, DG
Brewka-Clark, Nancy
Britt, Alan
Brooke, j
Brown, R. Thomas
Brown, Sam
Burton, Michael
Bushtalov, Denis
Butkowski, Jason
Butler, Simon Hardy
Cameron, W. B.
Campbell, J. J.
Campbell, Jack Jr.
Cano, Valentina
Carlton, Bob
Cartwright, Steve
Carver, Marc
Castle, Chris
Catlin, Alan
Chesler, Adam
Clausen, Daniel
Clevenger, Victor
Clifton, Gary
Coffey, James
Colasuonno, Alfonso
Conley, Jen
Connor, Tod
Cooper, Malcolm Graham
Coral, Jay
Cosby, S. A.
Costello, Bruce
Crandall, Rob
Criscuolo, Carla
Crist, Kenneth
Crouch & Woods
D., Jack
Dallett, Cassandra
Danoski, Joseph V.
Daly, Sean
Davis, Christopher
Day, Holly
de Bruler, Connor
Degani, Gay
De France, Steve
De La Garza, Lela Marie
Deming, Ruth Z.
Demmer, Calvin
De Neve, M. A.
Dennehy, John W.
DeVeau, Spencer
Di Chellis, Peter
Dick, Earl
Dick, Paul "Deadeye"
DiLorenzo, Ciro
Dionne, Ron
Domenichini, John
Dominelli, Rob
Doran, Phil
Doreski, William
Dorman, Roy
Doherty, Rachel
Dosser, Jeff
Doyle, John
Draime, Doug
Drake, Lena Judith
Dromey, John H.
Dubal, Paul Michael
Duke, Jason
Duncan, Gary
Dunham, T. Fox
Duschesneau, Pauline
Dunn, Robin Wyatt
Duxbury, Karen
Duy, Michelle
Elliott, Garnett
Ellman, Neil
England, Kristina
Erianne, John
Espinosa, Maria
Esterholm, Jeff
Fallow, Jeff
Farren, Jim
Fenster, Timothy
Ferraro, Diana
Filas, Cameron
Flanagan, Daniel N.
Flanagan, Ryan Quinn
Francisco, Edward
Funk, Matthew C.
Gann, Alan
Gardner, Cheryl Ann
Garvey, Kevin Z.
Genz, Brian
Giersbach, Walter
Gladeview, Lawrence
Glass, Donald
Goddard, L. B.
Godwin, Richard
Goff, Christopher
Goss, Christopher
Gradowski, Janel
Graham, Sam
Grant, Christopher
Grant, Stewart
Greenberg, K.J. Hannah
Greenberg, Paul
Grey, John
Gunn, Johnny
Gurney, Kenneth P.
Haglund, Tobias
Halleck, Robert
Hamlin, Mason
Hanson, Christopher Kenneth
Hanson, Kip
Harrington, Jim
Harris, Bruce
Hart, GJ
Hartman, Michelle
Haskins, Chad
Hawley, Doug
Haycock, Brian
Hayes, A. J.
Hayes, John
Hayes, Peter W. J.
Heatley, Paul
Heimler, Heidi
Helmsley, Fiona
Hendry, Mark
Heslop, Karen
Heyns, Heather
Hilary, Sarah
Hill, Richard
Hivner, Christopher
Hockey, Matthew J.
Hogan, Andrew J.
Holderfield, Culley
Holton, Dave
Howells, Ann
Hoy, J. L.
Huchu, Tendai
Hudson, Rick
Huffman, A. J.
Huguenin, Timothy G.
Huskey, Jason L.
Irascible, Dr. I. M.
Jaggers, J. David
James, Christopher
Johnson, Beau
Johnson, Moctezuma
Johnson, Zakariah
Jones, D. S.
Jones, Erin J.
Jones, Mark
Kabel, Dana
Kaplan, Barry Jay
Kay, S.
Kempka, Hal
Kerins, Mike
Keshigian, Michael
Kevlock, Mark Joseph
King, Michelle Ann
Kirk, D.
Knott, Anthony
Koenig, Michael
Korpon, Nik
Kovacs, Norbert
Kovacs, Sandor
Kowalcyzk, Alec
Krafft, E. K.
Lacks, Lee Todd
Lang, Preston
Larkham, Jack
La Rosa, F. Michael
Leasure, Colt
Leatherwood, Roger
Lees, Arlette
Lees, Lonni
Leins, Tom
Lemming, Jennifer
Lerner, Steven M
Lewis, Cynthia Ruth
Lewis, LuAnn
Lifshin, Lyn
Liskey, Tom Darin
Lodge, Oliver
Lopez, Aurelio Rico III
Lorca, Aurelia
Lovisi, Gary
Lucas, Gregory E.
Lukas, Anthony
Lynch, Nulty
Lyon, Hillary
Lyons, Matthew
Mac, David
MacArthur, Jodi
Malone, Joe
Mann, Aiki
Manzolillo, Nicholas
Marcius, Cal
Marrotti, Michael
Mason, Wayne
Mattila, Matt
McAdams, Liz
McCartney, Chris
McDaris, Catfish
McFarlane, Adam Beau
McGinley, Chris
McGinley, Jerry
McElhiney, Sean
McKim, Marci
McMannus, Jack
McQuiston, Rick
Mellon, Mark
Memi, Samantha
Miles, Marietta
Miller, Max
Minihan, Jeremiah
Monson, Mike
Mooney, Christopher P.
Morgan, Bill W.
Moss, David Harry
Mullins, Ian
Mulvihill, Michael
Muslim, Kristine Ong
Nardolilli, Ben
Nelson, Trevor
Nessly, Ray
Nester, Steven
Neuda, M. C.
Newell, Ben
Newman, Paul
Nielsen, Ayaz
Ogurek, Douglas J.
Ortiz, Sergio
Pagel, Briane
Park, Jon
Parr, Rodger
Parrish, Rhonda
Partin-Nielsen, Judith
Peralez, R.
Perez, Juan M.
Perez, Robert Aguon
Peterson, Ross
Petroziello, Brian
Pettie, Jack
Petyo, Robert
Phillips, Matt
Picher, Gabrielle
Pierce, Rob
Pietrzykowski, Marc
Plath, Rob
Pointer, David
Powell, David
Power, Jed
Powers, M. P.
Praseth, Ram
Prusky, Steve
Pruitt, Eryk
Purfield, M. E.
Purkis, Gordon
Quinlan, Joseph R.
Quinn, Frank
Rabas, Kevin
Ram, Sri
Rapth, Sam
Ravindra, Rudy
Renney, Mark
reutter, g emil
Rhatigan, Chris
Richardson, Travis
Richey, John Lunar
Ridgeway, Kevin
Ritchie, Salvadore
Robinson, John D.
Robinson, Kent
Rodgers, K. M.
Roger, Frank
Rose, Mandi
Rose, Mick
Rosenberger, Brian
Rosenblum, Mark
Rosmus, Cindy
Ruhlman, Walter
Rutherford, Scotch
Savage, Jack
Sayles, Betty J.
Schauber, Karen
Schneeweiss, Jonathan
Schraeder, E. F.
Schumejda, Rebecca
See, Tom
Sethi, Sanjeev
Sexton, Rex
Seymour, J. E.
Shaikh, Aftab Yusuf
Sheagren, Gerald E.
Shepherd, Robert
Sim, Anton
Simmler, T. Maxim
Simpson, Henry
Sinisi, J. J.
Sixsmith, JD
Slagle, Cutter
Slaviero, Susan
Sloan, Frank
Smith, Brian J.
Smith, Ben
Smith, C.R.J.
Smith, Copper
Smith, Paul
Smith, Stephanie
Smith, Willie
Smuts, Carolyn
Snethen, Daniel G.
Snoody, Elmore
Sojka, Carol
Solender, Michael J.
Sortwell, Pete
Sparling, George
Spicer, David
Squirrell, William
Stewart, Michael S.
Stickel, Anne
Stolec, Trina
Stryker, Joseph H.
Stucchio, Chris
Succre, Ray
Sullivan, Thomas
Swanson, Peter
Swartz, Justin A.
Sweet, John
Tarbard, Grant
Taylor, J. M.
Thompson, John L.
Thompson, Phillip
Tillman, Stephen
Titus, Lori
Tivey, Lauren
Tobin, Tim
Tu, Andy
Ullerich, Eric
Valent, Raymond A.
Valvis, James
Vilhotti, Jerry
Waldman, Dr. Mel
Walsh, Patricia
Walters, Luke
Ward, Emma
Weber, R.O.
Weil, Lester L.
White, Judy Friedman
White, Robb
White, Terry
Wilsky, Jim
Wilson, Robley
Wilson, Tabitha
Woodland, Francis
Young, Mark
Yuan, Changming
Zackel, Fred
Zafiro, Frank
Zapata, Angel
Zee, Carly
Zimmerman, Thomas

salad.jpg
Art by Kevin Duncan

My Salad Days

 

Rudy Ravindra

 

Sunita, My Dear Wife (who I privately call “MDW—Most Difficult Woman”), came home in the evening, all sweaty and hungry—the result of a vigorous workout at her gym, and was foraging in the refrigerator, looking for her favorite Weight Watcher’s cheese. She got a couple of wedges, and was about to close the door when she saw the crisper compartment.

She asked. “Did you go to the store today?” Without waiting for my answer, she opened the crisper drawer and said. “What? Broccoli spears, baby carrots, celery sticks…all this stuff….who’ll eat all this?” She looked at me, “I know you don’t care for any of this rabbit food. So……”

I said, “You know we have our writers’ group meeting tomorrow evening, I thought I told you about it. We need something to nibble on.”

Between bites of her cheese, she asked. “What’s wrong with cheese and crackers?”

“Well, Nicole wants to lose weight. She’s a member of our writers’ group.”

MDW assumed the pose of a Dragon Lady, her eyes spouting fire, her nostrils flaring, and hands on her once slim waist. “So you are more worried about some bimbo’s weight loss than your own wife’s. You never bought me all this stuff, you made me cook rice all these years, nothing but rice, rice, rice….and those damned beans and lentils, you fart to high heaven, eating all those beans. I gained some twenty pounds all because of you…” She slumped on the couch and started to weep.

I was a bit concerned as things were getting out of control, and wondered whether MDW was having one of her mood swings. But I remembered very distinctly that in the morning, I kept the fish oil capsule (which was guaranteed to prevent mood swings that some people, women or men, were prone to have), along with her other pills, right by her orange juice, and know for a fact she swallowed all those pills without complaining, and ran off to work.

On these occasions, a non-controversial topic was indicated. So, I tried to placate her. “Baby, you know it’s unfair to blame the rice. Your mother, may her soul rest in peace…..you know…..she was slim and quite beautiful even at the ripe old age of ninety-four. And she ate rice all her life. Yes?”

At the mention of her dearly departed mother who was probably looking down at her neurotic daughter from the heights of her Celestial Abode, Sunita’s mood lifted and a smile began to form on her tear-stained face. “Oh, yeah, my mother was exceptional. Too bad I took after my father. He was anything but slim. Oh, well, lemme go and have a shower.”

I was relieved to have averted a major crisis, and sat on my blue chair, pondering about my life and wife. Presently she came back to the living room, smelling of the special sandalwood soap, imported all the way from Bangalore. “Shall we eat?”

She removed the lids of the dishes, neatly placed on the dining table by yours truly. “Mmmmm….that smells good…stir-fried cauliflower, my favorite, and sautéed potatoes, wow…and white rice. What more can I ask for? You are good, after you retired I am glad you took over cooking.”

Dinner over, when we were clearing the kitchen and loading the dish washer, she asked, “Who’s this Nicole?”

I thought, not again. “C’mon, sweetie, you met her at Wildacres writing workshop last year. Remember, we were in the mountains for a full week. Don’t you remember? Nicole joined us for a few meals. She’s the beady-eyed blonde with a beaky nose.”

Suddenly it dawned on her. “Oh. That Nicole? I never liked her. Always dolled up in her tight-fitting jeans and blouses…..showing so much cleavage, looked as though she was poured into her clothes, and that perfume…ugh…so bloody strong….”

I tried to deflect the discussion from Nicole’s alluring figure to more prosaic matters. “C’mon, honey, she’s not all that….. she’s a nice person, writes very well. Ron Rash used to praise her writing, he said she had an authentic Southern voice.”

“Yes, yes. She’s authentic all right, yes, most definitely…..she’s an authentic Southern hussy. She was always touching you, pressing your shoulders whenever she got the chance.”

I tried to defend Nicole. “She just happens to be an affectionate person. You know how some people are….touchy, feely types.”

She became alert. “Now, I remember. She’s the one you used to sneak off with every darn morning….all the way to the Blue Ridge Parkway….I should have known…hmmmm…and now this.” She sighed.

I pleaded my innocence. “I didn’t sneak off with her. You know I like my morning walks. Was it my fault that you love your sleep so much…..you didn’t want to get out of bed to walk with me. I met Nicole only one day when she was returning from her hike.”

She pondered for a bit. “You said that there are two more people in your writing group. Who are the other two?”

“Didn’t I tell you? Miranda and Anna. You don’t know them. I met them at the writing class at the Cameron Art Museum.”

“What? You are trying to have a harem or what? Right under my nose?” She teased me. “I know this Nicole bimbo….who are these other two women, are they young or old?”

Although I am middle-aged (isn’t sixty something middle age?), I refuse to keep company with withered, old women. My motto is: younger the better. “They are young. But what's important is they are good writers, much better than me.”

She sighed. "Anybody’s better than you. Even your little niece who’s in the fifth grade is better than you."

 

Rudy Ravindra is a graduate of the 2012 Iowa Writers’ Workshop summer program. He lives with his wife in Wilmington, North Carolina.

In Association with Fossil Publications