Yellow Mama Archives

Robert Aguon Perez
Home
Adhikari, Sudeep
Ahern, Edward
Aldrich, Janet M.
Allan, T. N.
Allen, M. G.
Ammonds, Phillip J.
Anderson, Peter
Andreopoulos, Elliott
Arab, Bint
Augustyn, P. K.
Aymar, E. A.
Babbs, James
Baber, Bill
Bagwell, Dennis
Baird, Meg
Bakala, Brendan
Baker, Nathan
Balaz, Joe
BAM
Barber, Shannon
Bates, Jack
Baugh, Darlene
Bauman, Michael
Baumgartner, Jessica Marie
Beale, Jonathan
Beck, George
Beckman, Paul
Benet, Esme
Bennett, Brett
Bennett, Charlie
Berg, Carly
Berman, Daniel
Bernardara, Will Jr.
Berriozabal, Luis
Beveridge, Robert
Bickerstaff, Russ
Bigney, Tyler
Blake, Steven
Bohem, Charlie Keys and Les
Booth, Brenton
Bougger, Jason
Boyd, A. V.
Boyd, Morgan
Bracey, DG
Brewka-Clark, Nancy
Britt, Alan
Brooke, j
Brown, R. Thomas
Brown, Sam
Burton, Michael
Bushtalov, Denis
Butkowski, Jason
Butler, Simon Hardy
Cameron, W. B.
Campbell, J. J.
Campbell, Jack Jr.
Cano, Valentina
Carlton, Bob
Cartwright, Steve
Carver, Marc
Castle, Chris
Catlin, Alan
Chesler, Adam
Clausen, Daniel
Clevenger, Victor
Clifton, Gary
Coffey, James
Colasuonno, Alfonso
Conley, Jen
Connor, Tod
Cooper, Malcolm Graham
Coral, Jay
Cosby, S. A.
Crandall, Rob
Criscuolo, Carla
Crist, Kenneth
Crouch & Woods
D., Jack
Dallett, Cassandra
Danoski, Joseph V.
Daly, Sean
Davis, Christopher
Day, Holly
de Bruler, Connor
Degani, Gay
De France, Steve
De La Garza, Lela Marie
Deming, Ruth Z.
Demmer, Calvin
Dennehy, John W.
DeVeau, Spencer
Di Chellis, Peter
Dick, Earl
Dick, Paul "Deadeye"
DiLorenzo, Ciro
Dionne, Ron
Domenichini, John
Dominelli, Rob
Doran, Phil
Doreski, William
Dorman, Roy
Doherty, Rachel
Dosser, Jeff
Doyle, John
Draime, Doug
Drake, Lena Judith
Dromey, John H.
Dubal, Paul Michael
Duke, Jason
Duncan, Gary
Dunham, T. Fox
Duschesneau, Pauline
Dunn, Robin Wyatt
Duxbury, Karen
Duy, Michelle
Elliott, Garnett
Ellman, Neil
England, Kristina
Erianne, John
Espinosa, Maria
Esterholm, Jeff
Fallow, Jeff
Farren, Jim
Fenster, Timothy
Ferraro, Diana
Filas, Cameron
Flanagan, Daniel N.
Flanagan, Ryan Quinn
Francisco, Edward
Funk, Matthew C.
Gann, Alan
Gardner, Cheryl Ann
Garvey, Kevin Z.
Genz, Brian
Gladeview, Lawrence
Glass, Donald
Goddard, L. B.
Godwin, Richard
Goff, Christopher
Goss, Christopher
Gradowski, Janel
Graham, Sam
Grant, Christopher
Grant, Stewart
Greenberg, Paul
Grey, John
Gunn, Johnny
Gurney, Kenneth P.
Haglund, Tobias
Halleck, Robert
Hamlin, Mason
Hanson, Christopher Kenneth
Hanson, Kip
Harris, Bruce
Hart, GJ
Hartman, Michelle
Haskins, Chad
Hawley, Doug
Haycock, Brian
Hayes, A. J.
Hayes, John
Hayes, Peter W. J.
Heatley, Paul
Heimler, Heidi
Helmsley, Fiona
Hendry, Mark
Heslop, Karen
Heyns, Heather
Hilary, Sarah
Hill, Richard
Hivner, Christopher
Hockey, Matthew J.
Hogan, Andrew J.
Holderfield, Culley
Holton, Dave
Howells, Ann
Huchu, Tendai
Hudson, Rick
Huffman, A. J.
Huguenin, Timothy G.
Huskey, Jason L.
Irascible, Dr. I. M.
Jaggers, J. David
James, Christopher
Johnson, Beau
Johnson, Moctezuma
Johnson, Zakariah
Jones, D. S.
Jones, Erin J.
Jones, Mark
Kabel, Dana
Kaplan, Barry Jay
Kay, S.
Kempka, Hal
Kerins, Mike
Keshigian, Michael
Kevlock, Mark Joseph
King, Michelle Ann
Kirk, D.
Knott, Anthony
Koenig, Michael
Korpon, Nik
Kovacs, Norbert
Kovacs, Sandor
Kowalcyzk, Alec
Krafft, E. K.
Lacks, Lee Todd
Lang, Preston
Larkham, Jack
La Rosa, F. Michael
Leasure, Colt
Leatherwood, Roger
Lees, Arlette
Lees, Lonni
Leins, Tom
Lemming, Jennifer
Lerner, Steven M
Lewis, Cynthia Ruth
Lewis, LuAnn
Lifshin, Lyn
Liskey, Tom Darin
Lodge, Oliver
Lopez, Aurelio Rico III
Lorca, Aurelia
Lovisi, Gary
Lucas, Gregory E.
Lukas, Anthony
Lynch, Nulty
Lyon, Hillary
Lyons, Matthew
Mac, David
MacArthur, Jodi
Malone, Joe
Mann, Aiki
Manzolillo, Nicholas
Marcius, Cal
Marrotti, Michael
Mason, Wayne
Mattila, Matt
McAdams, Liz
McCartney, Chris
McDaris, Catfish
McFarlane, Adam Beau
McGinley, Chris
McGinley, Jerry
McElhiney, Sean
McKim, Marci
McMannus, Jack
McQuiston, Rick
Mellon, Mark
Memi, Samantha
Miles, Marietta
Miller, Max
Monson, Mike
Mooney, Christopher P.
Morgan, Bill W.
Moss, David Harry
Mullins, Ian
Mulvihill, Michael
Muslim, Kristine Ong
Nardolilli, Ben
Nelson, Trevor
Nessly, Ray
Nester, Steven
Neuda, M. C.
Newell, Ben
Newman, Paul
Nielsen, Ayaz
Ogurek, Douglas J.
Ortiz, Sergio
Pagel, Briane
Park, Jon
Parr, Rodger
Parrish, Rhonda
Partin-Nielsen, Judith
Perez, Juan M.
Perez, Robert Aguon
Peterson, Ross
Petroziello, Brian
Pettie, Jack
Petyo, Robert
Phillips, Matt
Picher, Gabrielle
Pierce, Rob
Pietrzykowski, Marc
Plath, Rob
Pointer, David
Power, Jed
Powers, M. P.
Praseth, Ram
Prusky, Steve
Pruitt, Eryk
Purfield, M. E.
Purkis, Gordon
Quinlan, Joseph R.
Quinn, Frank
Ram, Sri
Rapth, Sam
Ravindra, Rudy
Renney, Mark
reutter, g emil
Rhatigan, Chris
Richardson, Travis
Richey, John Lunar
Ridgeway, Kevin
Ritchie, Salvadore
Robinson, John D.
Robinson, Kent
Rodgers, K. M.
Roger, Frank
Rose, Mandi
Rosenberger, Brian
Rosenblum, Mark
Rosmus, Cindy
Ruhlman, Walter
Rutherford, Scotch
Savage, Jack
Sayles, Betty J.
Schauber, Karen
Schneeweiss, Jonathan
Schraeder, E. F.
Schumejda, Rebecca
See, Tom
Sethi, Sanjeev
Sexton, Rex
Seymour, J. E.
Shaikh, Aftab Yusuf
Shepherd, Robert
Sim, Anton
Simmler, T. Maxim
Simpson, Henry
Sinisi, J. J.
Sixsmith, JD
Slagle, Cutter
Slaviero, Susan
Sloan, Frank
Smith, Brian J.
Smith, Ben
Smith, C.R.J.
Smith, Copper
Smith, Paul
Smith, Stephanie
Smith, Willie
Smuts, Carolyn
Snethen, Daniel G.
Snoody, Elmore
Sojka, Carol
Solender, Michael J.
Sparling, George
Spicer, David
Squirrell, William
Stewart, Michael S.
Stickel, Anne
Stolec, Trina
Stryker, Joseph H.
Stucchio, Chris
Succre, Ray
Sullivan, Thomas
Swanson, Peter
Swartz, Justin A.
Sweet, John
Tarbard, Grant
Taylor, J. M.
Thompson, John L.
Thompson, Phillip
Tillman, Stephen
Titus, Lori
Tivey, Lauren
Tobin, Tim
Tu, Andy
Ullerich, Eric
Valent, Raymond A.
Valvis, James
Vilhotti, Jerry
Waldman, Dr. Mel
Walsh, Patricia
Walters, Luke
Ward, Emma
Weber, R.O.
Weil, Lester L.
White, Judy Friedman
White, Robb
White, Terry
Wilsky, Jim
Wilson, Robley
Wilson, Tabitha
Woodland, Francis
Young, Mark
Yuan, Changming
Zackel, Fred
Zafiro, Frank
Zapata, Angel
Zee, Carly
Zimmerman, Thomas

chillofalifetime.jpg
Art by Hillary Lyon 2018

The Chill of a Lifetime

 

by Robert Aguon Perez

 

The season’s chill seemed more sinister than usual. It seeped into my bones, unlike other winters. 

Dark, hollow, and mean, the cold felt against my skin, drilling a hole into my core, exacerbating my loneliness. 

The passing faces, pretty and chic, threatened me with teasing: Ha-ha, you’re alone, frumpy, and unwanted in this big city. That’s what you get for being a loser. Dumb in love. 

Fuck them, I thought. With their average IQs. Like mindless sheep. He still loves me, I thought. Just needs to spread his wings a little. He’ll be back, he’d told me.

But it had been months since he said he’d return. The calls were fewer and fewer. Voicemail had replaced his real voice and even emails had the eerie, electronic silence of “return to sender.”

When he did call, it was with empty promises of “I’ll be there this weekend.”  Then the weekend came and went without him.

What’s going on? I thought. We had come here together! Nine years we’d been together, before moving here. He had a history of for getting up and going, but even this was too much for him. By now he should be back from Boston . . . at home, with me, holding me. Providing warmth.

Thoughts of his coming home did little to numb the pain and drudgery of work today. The idea of serving up fake smiles with sugary concoctions of chocolate, caramel, espresso, and foamed milked curdled in my gut. It was like a mean joke: rich fucks dropping five bucks for gourmet coffee, when what they really needed was counseling. The more time I spent serving their sorry asses, the clearer it was how miserable they all were. They all bemoaned the same shit: relationships and sex. Always the same thing: not enough sex, or not the right fit.

Sex, sex, sex! Whether gay, or straight . . . sex came first, and even in a “safe,” boutique coffee shop, the issue had to be addressed. It hurt that much, I guessed.  A sorry reminder of my own situation. But I was still right about all of them: repulsively stupid, mindless sheep . . . suffering, but still stupid.

My mind was swimming with erotic thoughts of being pummeled by hot, hard, hung men, when my phone rang.  Holy shit, I thought. Him. He’s really calling.!

“How are you?” he said.

“Well, hello to you, Stranger!” sounding pathetically in love and over all the hurt and pain he’d caused me. “I’m great. How about you?”

“I’m OK. Just busy.”

Busy? I thought. You’re a damn social worker, not an ER medic!  But I let it slide, due to my bleeding heart and throbbing dick. I needed him so much. The sound of his voice always did it for me. I could’ve cum right there, at that sexy, sonorous tone.

“I’m coming down to New York this weekend,” he said. “See you Saturday afternoon.”

“Great! I can’t wait!” I could’ve kicked myself, but so what? He was really coming!

The son-of-a-bitch came, all right, but there was that familiar iciness. This time, it was also in his touch. Clearly, his mind wasn’t on me, but something (or someone?) else. He barely pecked me on the cheek and I withdrew into a semi-panic.

Before it overwhelmed me, I said, “Hey, meet me at the shop tonight? We can have a drink, once I’m off.” He looked like he didn’t want to. “After you’re done with your . . . affairs?” Obviously, I wasn’t the real reason he was in New York. It hurt so bad, but I didn’t let on.

“Sure,” he said.

That night, hours dragged by. Was he even coming? I wondered, constantly checking the time. It was like time was going backwards. I was fueled by rage and pain.

Finally, thirty minutes before closing, he walked in the shop.

Had it even occurred to him I might want to talk before cleaning up? The widening chasm between our hearts seemed even more real. The pain was unbearable, now. Months of listening to the heartaches of mindless sheep welled up in my chest, and head.

“You want something to drink?” I asked.

“No, thanks,” he said absently. “There’s an emergency. I’m taking the red-eye back up to Boston.” 

I stared at him, in disbelief. 

Then, as the last customer walked out, I hurried to lock up.

As I walked back to him, I turned down the lights. In the dim light, my smile had to be scary.

I grabbed the thermometer out of the steaming pitcher and plunged its skewered point into his chest.  

“AAhhh!” he screamed. Blood spewed out like the frothy, milky foam of a cappuccino.

I stabbed him again. And again. More frothy blood. Red, and bubbly, like a Valentine’s treat.

I don’t know how long it took him to die.

But I dragged his body to the walk-in freezer . . . and left it there.  

Now he knew what I knew: The chill of a lifetime.


A native of Guam, Robert Aguon Perez is an aspiring polymath. Ultimately he would like to write an opus explaining the human condition with its myriad potential, but for now he is content with making ends meet by teaching, writing, and taking as many courses as he can. With his debut in Yellow Mama, he hopes to continue writing about how people are an interesting subject. He has traveled to nine countries but wants to travel more, because he believes seeing as many different cultures as possible would help with his pursuit of understanding the human condition. Robby has lived on Guam, and in Boston, New Hampshire, Manhattan, Brooklyn, Bayonne, and currently resides in New Orleans with his husband Marty and their cat, KitKat. 

In Association with Fossil Publications