Yellow Mama Archives II

Dr. Mel Waldman

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PANDEMIC NOIR

 

ON

 

THE DESOLATE HIGHWAY

 

TO

 

NOWHERE

 

 

 

by Dr. Mel Waldman  

 

 

 

Pandemic Noir

on

 

the

desolate highway to nowhere

 

 

 

&

inside Bill’s otherworldly outdoor café

 

newly

relocated

 

&

floating beneath the El train

 

 

 

where

the Q & B roar ferociously toward a black hole in Bizarro Country

 

 

 

I

watch the fantastic flow of phantasmagoria nearby

 

but

why am I far away drifting/vanishing in the postern of my mind?

 

Can’t

find my brain on the desolate highway to nowhere

 

where

I am

 

trapped

in Pandemic Noir

 

in

this ineffable hour

 

 

 

&

now I see

 

a

chimerical parade of luminaries

 

 

 

rushing

slowly

 

on

the eerie highway

 

 

 

making

casual eye contact      winking      &       smiling sardonically

 

&

vanishing          after                                 cameo appearances

 

 

 

Whom

do I see?

 

Is

it really you, Federico Fellini

 

 

&

Thornton Wilder      Kurt Vonnegut      Rod Serling  & Albert Camus?

 

 

 

Is

it truly you

 

Dante  Milton   William Blake   Dali &   Picasso?

 

 

 

Is

it so?

 

I

don’t know

 

 

 

What

I see         

 

can          it           be?

 

 

 

I

watch the fantastic flow of phantoms passing through

 

Is

it really you          Carl Jung      &      Sigmund Freud?

 

 

 

Is

it true?                                                  Is it really you? 




PANDEMIC NOIR

 

INSIDE

 

AN OTHERWORLDLY OCEANIC DREAM

 

 

by Dr. Mel Waldman  

 

 

Pandemic Noir

inside

 

an

otherworldly oceanic dream

 

possesses

me

 

&

drowns my brain in the bestial reign of trauma

 

 

 

&

crossing the Bridge of Bizarro Country

 

I

see familiar ghosts on the other side of Un-Reality

 

sitting

at a round table

 

 

 

&

a disembodied voice bellows, “Why?”

 

 

 

In

this fable Thornton Wilder, the host of this diverse gathering, reads a line

 

from The Bridge of San Luis Rey.

 

 

Albert Camus

nods, mutters esoteric words about The Plague to a stranger

 

&

shrieks, “Goodbye.”

 

Hermann Hesse

utters, Siddhartha, Steppenwolf, & Demian,

 

reflecting,

“Where is the divine?”

 

Harry Houdini

confesses, “I never came back. This is my sin.”

 

 

 

Phantoms

vanish

 

Others

appear

 

as

I cross the fantastic bridge that grows unendingly

 

 

 

&

now Franz Kafka recites an enigmatic line

 

from

The Trial

 

about

Josef K

 

&

cries out for Dostoevsky

 

while

the other side rushes far away

 

 

 

Shall

I ever be free

 

everlastingly

crossing the eerie Bridge of Bizarro Country?

 

 

 

On

the other side

 

I

see Sigmund Freud & his patient the Wolf Man

 

&

Carl Jung & Hermann Hesse

 

&

bless Viktor Frankl who utters, Man’s Search for Meaning.

 

 

 

Will

I find some peace of mind?  

 

 

 

Nearby

the beat poets Gregory Corso, Jack Kerouac, & Lawrence Ferlinghetti

 

recite

iconoclastic poetry.

 

 

 

&

Richard Pryor, George Carlin, & Redd Foxx

 

crack

sparkling biting jokes that make the City Lights poets guffaw & ask for more.

 

 

 

&

William S. Burroughs, Carlos Castaneda, & Albert Einstein wave to me

 

as

I sempiternally cross the Bridge of Chance or Destiny.

 

 

 

Shall

I ever reach the other side? 

 

Shall

I awaken reborn or die on the Bridge of Bizarro Country each night again & again?

 

 

 

Listen

to the uncanny word that echoes throughout the universe

 

like

the sacred mantra OM.

 

Far

away on the other side of Un-Reality Thornton Wilder & Franz Kafka

 

shriek Why?

 

 

 

drilling

a hole in the soul of humanity

 

&

the sacred word pirouettes everlastingly

 

across

the Bridge of Chance or Destiny in an amaranthine ballet



MY

 

BROOKLYN VIEW

 

OF

 

A

 

STARRY NIGHT

 

DURING

 

LOCKDOWN

 

 

by Dr. Mel Waldman  

.

 

 

On

a starry night in Brooklyn during lockdown

 

                     1st year of Covid’s Un-Reality

 

I

come home

 

after

work             in the Healing Room      a tomb of loss & love

 

 

 

&

gaze at the stars

 

through

a long rectangular window in my Serenity Room

 

facing

an antediluvian tree     my Tree of Angels     like Betty Smith’s Tree of Heaven

 

 

 

&

I see how beautiful the universe is     how magnificent & vast & forgiving

 

&

after death

 

overflowing

with love & rebirth     here on Earth     & in Heaven



STARRY NIGHT

 

IN

 

OGUNQUIT

 

THE

 

BEAUTIFUL PLACE

 

BY

 

THE SEA

 

 

by Dr. Mel Waldman   

 

 

 

Starry Night

in Ogunquit

 

the

beautiful place by the sea

 

&

bathed in serenity

 

I

gaze at the stars

 

standing

midway on the Marginal Way

 

the

otherworldly cliff walk

 

glorious

in its gorgeous galloping beauty & grandeur

 

above

the bestial rocks & overlooking the omnipotent sea

 

 

 

&

bathed in serenity

 

I

gaze at the stars

 

&

talk to the magical universe

 

while

listening to the whirling waves crushing the rocks

 

&

crashing into inner space smashing un-reality & waiting for the tempest to arrive

 

 

 

Fully Alive

&

 

prescient

like the preternatural ocean below

 

I

know the storm is coming

 

but

bathed in serenity I gaze at the stars & see transcendentally

 

 

 

The Tempest

will 

 

come

& go & the universe will flow deathlessly after the vanishing after death



VAN GOGH’S

 

VIEW

 

OF

 

THE STARRY NIGHT

 

THROUGH

 

THE IRON-BARRED WINDOW

 

IN

 

THE ASYLUM

 

 

by Dr. Mel Waldman  

.

 

Van Gogh

sits

 

in

his Lilliputian room of madness

 

unblessed

in

 

the

Saint-Paul-de-Mausole asylum in Saint Rémy

 

celestial

monastery of yesterday

 

 

 

&

through the iron-barred window

 

facing

east

 

he

gazes at the stars sketching The Starry Night & other beauties again & again

transforming

the

 

beast within

 

&

transcending mortal suffering

 

 

 

If

only we could tell him who he really is

 

his

only sin not seeing his beautiful divinity

 

 

 

&

so Van Gogh

 

gazes

at the stars

 

&

shall paint The Starry Night in the studio below

 

with

the cypress tree & Venus to its right

 

embracing

death oblivious of the post-mortem destiny

 

that

waits everlastingly for him 



AWAKENING

 

by Dr. Mel Waldman

 

 

Dead City

waking up in the unreal hour

 

&

the shattered ghost of a ghost of a breath-filled non-being

 

hides

out in the Grand Canyon on Montague Street

 

&

listens to phantom voices

 

&

dreams of a lost lacerated time

 

recalls

the vanishing rhyme of the pariah

 

when

the Beat poets adorned the city with pretty/ugly iconoclastic words

 

a

panoramic canopy of    

unholy truths     galloping across     the forgotten pages of the past

 

never

to be revealed to                                                      moribund eyes

 

 

 

&

after a deep meditation

 

 

on

the metaphysics of art

 

&

the metamorphosis of the soul

 

the

phantom tastes a blood-red wine

 

of

divinity

 

inhaling

& ravishing the scent of madness

 

before

He saunters off to the Promenade

 

 

 

Sitting there

the broken ghost waits for Brooklyn’s

 

dying lights

 

&

after midnight    

 

his

gold eyes gazing curiously     drill through the pitch-black darkness

 

&

rediscover     harrowing/heavenly visions                   bursting forth

 

with

ferocious un-reality     coruscating gems                              glowing

 

in

the invisible universe     on the verge     of a chilling         unveiling

 

a

beautiful madness     raw & uncanny     filled with      unholy truths

 

&

unfathomable revelations          spiraling    into               inner space

 

&

crashing     into     a metaphysical mirror                  a cornucopia of

 

paradoxes          a phantasmagoria of                           faceless faces

 

gazing

ominously                                     screaming voicelessly           & in

 

the

stillness of     nowhere                                                     giving birth    

 

to

a                                                                      monstrous Awakening

 

 

 

SWIRLING

 

IN

 

THE CHAOS

 

THAT

 

SWALLOWS THE UNIVERSE

 

&

 

ENCIRCLES

 

AN OLD VISIONARY MAN

 

 

by Dr. Mel Waldman  

 

 

 

Swirling

in the chaos that swallows the universe & encircles an old visionary man

 

the mystic

prays silently to the Source

 

&

sitting in the bestial Shadows of Existence

 

he

sees/hears a terrible Presence

 

&

cannot fathom this engulfing power

 

a

phantasmagoria that captures     enslaves     &     possesses him

 

in

waves of whirling un-reality    

 

carrying

him away     to an unspeakable place     beyond human evil

 

 

 

where

the Cosmic Banker/Accountant

 

reviews

the oceanic black book     a never-ending flow chart     of all Cosmic Debts/Credits

 

waiting

for new admissions to arrive  

 

after

an untimely death     or an unfathomable sleep

 

that

swallows the soul          &          reveals                         the Mysterium tremendum  


THE MOIRA

 

by Dr. Mel Waldman  

 

 

The Moira

watches/follows for She is destiny/fate

 

the

One that has spun the threads of our vanishing days & so we rush far away

 

&

now gazing at/consuming the old human trudging through the snow

 

hunched

over in a harrowing moment invisible in the storm & still unseen

 

when

crepuscular creatures rise at dawn possessing only the scent of the forgotten

 

the Lady

engulfs/swallows the fallen

 

 

Time

eats the antediluvian being with no race, class, religion, gender, identity

 

or

attributes except Old Age

 

a

mortal in metamorphosis running out of time & space a moribund vision in Moira’s eyes

 

inside

life’s cage Now it is this one in the snow Yet tomorrow it is you the old devoured one

 

forgotten/

invisible with nowhere else to go always you                                       




I

 

EXIST

 

INSIDE

 

AN INVISIBLE POEM

 

EVERLASTING

 

&

 

EVERFLOWING

 

 

by Dr. Mel Waldman

 

 

 

 

I

exist inside an invisible poem 

 

everlasting

&

everflowing

 

 

&

every word I write

 

vanishes

from my magical page of creation

 

drifting

perhaps into celestial light or soul-eating darkness

 

 

Shall

I merge with the 10 spheres of divinity     the sacred Sefirot on the mystical Tree of Life

 

or

plummet into darkness/oblivion     & the Jungian Shadow that swallows the dying soul?

 

 

I

exist inside an invisible poem

 

everlasting

&

everflowing

 

 

possessed

by otherworldly light or a monstrous blackness

 

or

the magical alchemy of light/lightlessness

 

 

transforming

& transcending good & evil

 

blessing

the terrible darkness

 

&

creating sparks of divinity from the Shadows

 

 

&

now

 

I AM

Compelled to choose who I AM

Dr. Mel Waldman is a psychologist, poet, and writer whose stories have appeared in numerous magazines including HARDBOILED DETECTIVE, ESPIONAGE, THE SAINT, PULP METAL MAGAZINE, and AUDIENCE. His poems have been widely published in magazines and books including A NEW ULSTER, CLOCKWISE CAT, CRAB FAT LITERARY MAGAZINE, ESKIMO PIE, INDIANA VOICE JOURNAL, LIQUID IMAGINATION, THE BROOKLYN LITERARY REVIEW, BRICKPLIGHT, SKIVE MAGAZINE, ODDBALL MAGAZINE, PABLO LENNIS, POETRY PACIFIC, POETICA, RED FEZ, SQUAWK BACK, SWEET ANNIE & SWEET PEA REVIEW, THE JEWISH LITERARY JOURNAL, THE JEWISH PRESS, THE JERUSALEM POST, HOTMETAL PRESS, MAD SWIRL, HAGGARD & HALLOO, ASCENT ASPIRATIONS, YELLOW MAMA, THE BITCHIN’ KITSCH,  SOUL-LIT, TWO DROPS OF INK, and NAMASTE FIJI: THE INTERNATIONAL ANTHOLOGY OF POETRY.  A past winner of the literary GRADIVA AWARD in Psychoanalysis, he was nominated for a PUSHCART PRIZE in literature and is the author of 11 books.

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